The Cross

Bad day today. So I went to the cross. John's cross. We tried to go up there in June but there was still too much snow. Then part of the road washed out. But I went today anyway. The road was fixed and the snow gone. I had a hard time going alone. Fear. Seems so many things in my life are affected by fear. Why? Yes I could have encountered bears, cougars, elk, deer.. the list goes on. Yes I could have trip and hurt myself and been stuck up there in the middle of the woods. Well I walked down to the cross and was not eaten but anything. At first I thought the cross was gone but the closer I got I could see it was still there. It was tilted a bit, weather worn, and no picture at the top but it was still there. I think I cried for five minutes or so. Sucked it up and sat and thought for a bit. The path down is grown over. There is a game trail to it but it is like the mountain is closing him in. Is it time to stop going and let him go? Should we still go and keep the cross straight? Replace it every few years? Someone had been up there and put a stick in the hole to help keep it upright. They placed some stones in a circle at the base. Someone cared. I cried a lot more. I miss you son.

Am I Crazy?

Why after an argument with my husband do I feel like I am crazy? Why when I feel I have a good solid reason to confront him with something I am upset about that it always turns to a huge fight? And I never get any answers. How is it always my fault? How does he always make me feel like I am wrong at the end? But when I sit and think about it, the questions are still there, unanswered. Does he really love me?
If someone makes you feel crazy why would you want to stay with them? Why stay in the circle of unhappiness? Is it really love? How do you clear your head and think reasonably? Why when he knows I have valid points does he cloud the issue, screaming and trying to make me feel as though I am stupid. Why tell me he loves me only to turn around and call me an old hag? Why does he need revenge again someone he says he loves? Why does he want to embarrass me when he could just tell me what I have asked? Then once again say how much he loves me? Maybe I am crazy.